Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
