i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
