Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
