People in love make me want to vomit
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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