sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Farmville is her only friend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
