We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
