a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
