Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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