I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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