hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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