even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The Olympian is in my bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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