I wanna bring you to show and tell
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize