Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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