please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I know her cup size but not her name....
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