Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize