I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
