I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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