I wish I only lived at night.
i think i have two assholes
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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