There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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