i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
