I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
