it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
