Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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