I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
