he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
