We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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