that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
