Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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