new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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