If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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