barbara walters just said penis...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
