Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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