Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
