don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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