Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's just like the Real World with babies
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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