I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize