I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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