Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
