love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
