yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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