1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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