I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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