i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
