my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
