Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
