yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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