You work out of a Hotel?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize