Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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