So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
