just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
