I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
