they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize