We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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