Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
