Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
