ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
