I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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