The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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