I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
