I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize