I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
