PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
