woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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