You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
