I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize