Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
