How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
