There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
